Marea Goodman (they/them) is a licensed midwife in California and the Founder of PregnantTogether, a virtual community designed to support queer folks and solo parents from trying to conceive (TTC) through parenting. Marea's dedication to midwifery began in 2011 when attending a friend’s home birth revealed their passion for this field.

During the interview, Marea dives into their professional journey, sharing how personal experiences with pregnancy and parenting influenced the creation of PregnantTogether and their book, Baby Making for Everybody. They discuss the unique challenges queer families face, from financial barriers to legal complexities, and how their community provides much-needed practical and emotional support. Marea also reflects on the profound impact of bringing their full, authentic self to their work as a parent themselves, offering deep empathy and connection to clients navigating similar journeys.

Marea offers invaluable advice for future LGBTQ+ service providers. They also highlight the importance of queer representation in healthcare and share their vision for an inclusive family-building process. Read on to discover how Marea's work is reshaping the family-building experience for queer and solo parents.

Can you walk us through your professional journey and how you got to where you are today?

I didn’t know much about midwifery at all until I attended my first birth in 2011. It happened serendipitously when a friend asked me if I could attend her home birth as a support person. In preparation for that, I took a six week doula training to learn how to support folks through the birthing process. That first birthing experience brought me in touch with the magic of life, and it became clear I wanted to keep doing it. After I started training to become a homebirth midwife in 2012, my next birth as an official doula was a five-day-long prodromal labor in the hospital. 

Three years later, I got licensed as a homebirth midwife by the California Medical Board in 2015 and have attended hundreds of births since. I got trained to provide IUIs (intrauterine inseminations) in 2016 and started working primarily with the queer community supporting folks to grow their families.

It was during my own TTC (trying to conceive) and pregnancy journey from 2020 into 2021 that I had the privilege of experiencing family-building in my own body and realized how deeply queer folks need support during this family-building process. This led to the book I co-wrote, Baby Making for Everybody: Fertility and Family Building for LGBTQ+ and Solo Parents, published in April 2023, and the creation of PregnantTogether — a virtual community for queer folks and solo parents throughout TTC, pregnancy, postpartum, and parenting.

After writing Baby Making for Everybody, I envisioned PregnantTogether as a general pregnancy community for anyone. I wasn’t initially thinking exclusively of queer folks, but as it developed, 99% of the participants were queer because that's who I am. Then, queer folks who weren’t pregnant but trying to conceive began joining. It’s been an evolutionary process. I've even considered changing the name to better reflect inclusivity for those growing their families through adoption and surrogacy.

We have members using gestational carriers, and there are so many other ways that queer folks and solo parents build families beyond pregnancy. We constantly adjust to meet changing needs, which is both fun and exciting. For example, we had a postpartum group for a large cohort of new parents, but now that their babies are around seven to nine months old, they’re not attending as frequently. So, we’re launching a queer parenting group to support the ongoing experiences of being queer parents. 

As queer folks, we reimagine what family can be. Family doesn’t necessarily mean biological connections; it can mean so many things. We aim to create spaces for people to process their feelings and vulnerabilities.

One of my favorite groups is for non-gestational parents. It’s a tender space for those who aren’t biologically related or gestating the child to discuss their experiences, especially in queer relationships. These conversations are incredibly valuable and don’t often happen in most areas of the world.

What inspired you to offer the services you provide?

I know personally how tender and often anxiety-producing the experience of growing your queer family can be. As a queer parent and midwife, I want to support other queer folks or solo parents growing their families in a world that doesn't support us in the ways we deserve.

There are many barriers to starting a queer family. One of the main barriers is financial, especially post-pandemic. The cost of sperm from a bank has doubled, with people now paying around $2,000 per vial. On average, it takes about four inseminations to get pregnant, which adds up quickly. To help navigate this, I developed a workshop called "Hacking the System” focused on getting insurance to cover fertility journeys and finding ways to navigate through this complex world.

Fertility clinics were initially created to support infertile heterosexual couples, not necessarily for queer folks who might not have access to sperm within their relationships. The sperm question is significant, whether it involves choosing a donor from a bank or a known donor, and figuring out how to legally protect yourself. Every month, we bring in experts to discuss different aspects of the process. Recently, a queer family lawyer talked about how to protect your family and the importance of second-parent adoption if there’s a second parent involved.

Combining access to information with emotional support is crucial. The process can feel overwhelming, partly because many of us feel so alone in it. Connecting with others going through similar experiences can eliminate the isolation and mental health challenges that come with it, making it easier to move forward.

I believe this is a reproductive justice issue. Everyone deserves the right to grow or not grow their families in the ways they choose. Queer folks and solo parents should have access to all the necessary information and feel supported throughout the process.

What is one of the biggest challenges you have faced in your journey as a service provider, and what did you do to overcome this?

Navigating writing a book and growing a business through the process of becoming pregnant, giving birth, parenting, and then navigating a separation and divorce—all around the same time—has been a huge challenge. 

These personal experiences have been deeply challenging and humbling since I had to bring my full, messy self with all of my vulnerabilities to the process of starting this community. It has helped me empathize in a deeper way with clients and community members who experience challenges and losses in their own family-building journeys and hold the complexities of joy and grief. I work with many people who struggle to get pregnant or go through multiple losses. I fortunately had the privilege of getting pregnant quickly. Although the first one was a very early miscarriage, my second one turned into my now three year old. But through this divorce, I’m understanding in a different way the grief that comes with things not going as intended for your family.

I’ve experienced firsthand how important community support is, especially during the hardest times. 

One cool thing about PregnantTogether is that we have different sections for people trying to conceive, pregnant, postpartum, and those going through miscarriage and pregnancy loss. We find ways to connect around these different experiences, whether people get pregnant quickly or take a while.

Another thing we do in the community is post a glimmer from the week every Friday. A glimmer is the opposite of a trigger—something we appreciate and feel gratitude for. Finding little practices like this helps us appreciate moments of joy and ease, knowing the hard stuff will pass. These are all important lessons during the family-building process (and life in general).

If you could give one piece of advice to future LGBTQ+ service providers within your field, what would it be?

Don't be afraid to be your full self and bring your authenticity to your process — claiming my queerness and my personal struggles and triumphs has helped me show up in ways I feel proud of and empathize more deeply with folks — and there's so much power in that honesty and connection. 

How does being openly queer inspire or impact your business?

Since I founded my midwifery practice in Oakland in 2016, I've been openly queer, and have loved bringing this part of myself into my professional life.

The world needs more openly queer healthcare providers and I'm grateful to the queer ancestors and activists who have paved the way for it to be safe enough for me to be out in my work life.

What brands or services by LGBTQ+ founders are your go-to's and why?

I LOVE my TomBoyX underwear! 🙌

Who is your favorite LGBTQ+ celebrity or figure and why?

Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe because, as a jock at heart, I love a lesbian sports power couple.

Can you share one fun fact about yourself?

I'm an avid basketball player and treat my barber like my therapist. I see him every other week! 🤣

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Visit PregnantTogether’s profile on Famm here. Visit PregnantTogether’s website here.